You're Crazy

*I sit in the chair and he wraps the tissue around my neck. He takes out the cape and places it on me. My mind was blank and things were quiet. He turns the chair and I face the mirror. He looks at me and ask,"So how low do you want it?" I respond,"Well...how low do you think I should go? I don't want to be bald..." He shakes his head and turns on the music. "Don't worry...I got you...but you're crazy" he replies with the clippers in his hands. I close my eyes, as soon as, I hear the buzz. Praying that I won't regret this later....*

The back story:

For two years I've been debating on this decision. I decided to go natural and cut off all of my processed hair. I went to the only barber that I could trust...my ex-boyfriend. He cut it all off and left me with a twa (teenie weenie afro). I didn't want to walk around with that. I mean who really wants to look like Florida Evans (no offense)? I begged him to cut it all off but he refused. So I decided to leave it be and transition with weave and braids. I was natural for about a year after that and gave-in to the relaxer awhile later.

Now:

I consider myself a true Gemini and I pride myself on my ability to change and embrace it. However, I found it a harder to decide on this style. Why? Because it'll take too long to grow back...I wouldn't be able to wear the longer styles that I wanted...I'll wait a minute and then do it... These were the thoughts that seemed to prolong my decision but those weren't accurate at all....They were just excuses to cover up the truth. I was afraid...and that was a rare feeling, for me, when I wanted to try something new. I was supposed to be "fearless" but I wouldn't be able to hide behind my hair this time. There wouldn't be any cute short curls or spikes. My ass would be all out and I would be exposed to the world.

I remember when I shared my decision to go natural and how everyone saw the negative in it. They, automatically, assumed that I would go around with a nappy fro yelling and screaming "Black Power" to whoever would listen. Now everyone is natural but whatever. LOL!!! Anyway...I wasn't trying to get any negative backlash. I didn't feel like explaining my reasons behind it. I thought that maybe it would make me less attractive to men because I assumed that they were always attracted to long hair. All of these things clouded my mind until I realized that...I shouldn't give a damn about what others think!!! I've never cared before. So why start now??? If they can't accept my decisions then they don't matter. After that epiphany, my whole perspective changed...and I cut it...

So how do I feel now that it's gone??? OMG I feel so liberated!!! I dyed it red and I love it!!! I didn't just see it as a new style...I took as a way of me premiering myself to the world. I've put myself out there and if you like it...good...and if not...suck it...LOL!!! I've been receiving a lot of positive feedback from females (especially my natural sistas) both young and old. I get the occasional "why'd you do that?" but I didn't expect everyone to understand. What shocked me was the male attention!!! That was totally unexpected!!!

Long story short..I'm happy with my decision. I took the plunge and made myself vulnerable to the world. I have a new found appreciation for myself and natural beauty. I get to save money and time!!! I don't have to work an 8hr shift at the shop anymore!!! No more bad hair days!!! I can just get up and go (and wash my behind of course). This also gives me an opportunity to play with makeup and wardrobe ideas. I'm going to enjoy this and have fun...My journey as a bald-headed redhead has just begun!!! Who wants to take it with me???